If you can leave it be might as well make it bleed
by Dawnandspike4eva
Summary: Had to make it bleed. Had to. Couldn't leave it alone. Couldn't leave her alone. No matter what he had done to her. He had to make it hurt. Because the chip was gone, and he was still soulless. And so he had to cause pain. DS


Had to make it bleed. Had to. Couldn't leave it alone. Couldn't leave her alone. No matter what he had done to her. He had to make it hurt. Because the chip was gone, and he was still soulless. And so he had to cause pain. Or else his unlife just didn't feel right, or wrong. And everyday was just an accident waiting to happen because he had to make it bleed. Had to. No matter how much it hurt him. Because pain was his life. His purpose. Because he needed pain. To make him feel alive. And she did whether she admitted it or not. Because whether she admitted it or not she needed him. Whether she admitted it or not she wanted him. Even if pain came with the package. Because truthfully pain was the package. The right kind of pain. The kind that made you feel alive.

Dawn walked into her apartment. This place still didn't feel like home. Because it wasn't. Her house on Revello Drive. That was home. But it hadn't been for years now. She hadn't gone there. Couldn't go back. Lost too much there. Lost everything there. Her family. Friends. And her best friend. Lost him there too. Maybe she had lost him a long time ago. Maybe she never really had him to begin with. Two years. Two years since she had been home. Since she had seen their corpses filling the house. All dead. Breath stolen so simply. Coming home that day was like walking into the doors of hell. She had already lost her mother already lost Buffy. And now this. The last of the people that were in the way. And so they had to go. Couldn't let them live.

_"Hey guys!" Dawn hollered. "I'm home!" She said with a smile. It was her sixteenth birthday. And she knew they must have had something great in store for her. A surprise. Something she would remember for years to come. Because lately things were better. They stopped blaming her for Buffy. And saw her as the youngest Summer's. All that was left of the family line. Besides a father who didn't care._

_She dropped her bag on the floor and walked into the living room with an excited look on her petite face. Who knew what they had in store for her. Something to remember. Something she would treasure. Because they were her family now. And they would always be there for her. Always. _

_Dawn observed her surroundings. It took a while before her jaw dropped. Before she realized what she saw. Before the realization hit her square in the chest. Snaking through her skin. There they all were. A scene from hell. Her own personal hell. Cake covered in blood. Present boxes spread across the floor, all covered in blood and body parts. Parts that belonged to her family. Xander on the couch sprawled out as if he never saw it coming. Missing limbs. Willow beside him with blood covering her like her red hair. Giles a complete mess. Undetectable. Anya. Where was Anya? Dawn felt something grab her leg. She looked down. Anya? She was covered in crimson red. Tears streaming down her face. _

_"Dawnie." She managed to let out a week word. "Run." She spoke before collapsing onto the ground. _

_Dawn stood in terror. Shock. Pain. "No!" She shook her head. "No, nonononononono NO!!!!!" She hollered. Tears where covering her face. This wasn't happening. Dawn couldn't breathe. This was just a dream. A nightmare. Not real, not real. Couldn't be real. Because she wasn't real. So this was all a lie. Not real. _

_A figure came from the darkness. Like he was there all along. Hiding. Her blond haired vampire. He was all right though. Barely any blood. Barely. Just some on his mouth. Mouth? He licked the blood from his lips that were curved into an evil smile. He was all right. Alive. That must mean he defeated whatever creature that did this. Then it hit her. Even though she wanted to deny it. She knew the truth. Knew this mess was all caused by him. Knew it couldn't be anyone but the Big Bad. Her blond vampire._

_"Happy birthday, Nibblet." He said with a cursed look on his smiling face._

It had been two years since that day. Two years to the day. And she didn't like thinking about it. Never slept without dreaming of it. The day her life was turned upside down. The day it all changed. The day she stepped into hell. And had stayed there ever since. Her life was less then half what it could be. Sure she was moving on. Trying her hardest at least. Because no matter how much she loved them, they weren't as important to her as Buffy always was. Buffy was her sister, and a piece of her. But she had died long before. And it was what Buffy wanted. What she needed. And Dawn understood that. So she knew her sister was at peace. But none of the Scooby gang wanted it. They were massacred. And it was far from fair. Dawn left. The day after the incident. She packed her bags and left. Didn't know where she was going. Just went. And she found herself in L.A. near Angel. Who helped her from time to time. Giving her money. But they never talked much. Dawn feared if she got close to anyone else that something would happen. She had lost everyone she had ever gotten close to. Always further away from home. Because she could never go back there. It would only make things worse. Drive her insane. And she liked her sanity just the way it was. As intact as humanly possible.

Dawn had been working at a club, restaurant down the street from her apartment. It payed all right. Enough to pay the bills and keep her alive. Dawn locked the door behind her. Not a bad neighborhood, not a bad one. But not a good one. So she locked the doors and walked over to the bed. She threw herself onto the covers of the freshly made bedsheets. It was her eighteenth birthday today. And she decided that instead of making it about the anniversary of losing her family, she would make it about her birthday. Only because it made it hurt less. Not much less. Just needed a break. Something to forget the pain. Anything. She wasn't the Faith type girl. The one who surrounded herself with men to make things fade away. She hadn't been with anyone in two years. And even before that. Accept one. _Him._ It was always him. No one else. He took everything from her. Everything.

She tried to breathe steady. Never steady. Because everything was a mess. She had too many trust issues to make any friends here. Only one. Erin. But she tried not to talk to him often. Because then he was in danger. And she wouldn't have that. Couldn't have that. Because then life would be over. Couldn't lose another one. Not again. It had to end. She felt like there was someone with her. In the small apartment. But she shook it off. Because no one could be there. The doors were locked. Before she left the apartment and when she came home. Even now they were locked. No one could be in here. Not possible. She just sat back on her bed and tried to relax. It had been a long day, long night. It was around seven and she was exhausted. Hadn't worked much today. Wasn't why she was tired. Tired because she remembered what today was. The day she walked into hell. And couldn't escape.

"Happy birthday, Nibblet." She heard his voice speak from the corner of the room. Her eyes were closed. So this had to be dream. Just another dream. Another nightmare. Not possible. Just a nightmare. She opened her eyes anyway. Had to prove herself wrong. And there he was. The blond vampire with the blue eyes. Beautiful as ever, as always. And standing there so confident. Leaning against the wall holding onto his strong bravado, as always. She could never escape that hauntingly perfect face. Never. And here he was. Back to torture her. Back for more.

"What are you doing here?" Dawn asked sitting up quickly. Her voice was full of fear and seething hatred. Mostly it was filled with anguish.

"Came to wish my girl a happy birthday." Spike said a confidence gleaming in his tone. Always so confident. Could never lose that confidence. He was exactly like she remembered him. Hadn't changed at all. Just as perfect, as beautiful. And she still, loved him, still hated him. That face. Too many memory's. Of what he was, what he had done.

"I am not your girl!" Dawn hollered angry. She stood up. Afraid. Nervous. What was this monster going to do to her now. What sick form of torture was planned next. Why did he always come here, to her.

"Hmm, I have a few reasons that would suggest otherwise." Spike spoke with a sly smile. Too many reasons that spoke otherwise. Like the fact that no other man had had her. Touched her. And the fact that she still wanted him. No matter how much she denied it. She wanted him.

"Why are you here Spike?" Dawn asked trying to look as if she weren't nervous. Petrified. She stood idly staring at him. She couldn't run, he would catch her. Couldn't hide, no where to hide. Couldn't convince him to leave, because he never would. She was painted into a corner and there was no way of escaping.

"I told you." He smiled stalking closer to her. "Came to wish my girl happy birthday. And to give her, her present." He said slowly trying to close the gap between them. As Dawn had no where to step away. Painted into a corner.

"Oh, right, because the last birthday present you gave me was just perfect." She said sarcastic. Remembered what he did. How he killed them. And how he had told her it was for her. For them. They were in the way. Always someone in the way. Always someone he had to destroy. And now it was her.

Spike just chuckled. A low bone crushing chuckle. "This one will be much better I promise." He said with a sigh. Spike walked over to her closing the gap she had placed between them. He grasped onto her hips. "Come with me." He demanded.

"I am not going anywhere with you." Dawn hissed trying to pull away.

"I don't wanna use force." Spike smiled. "No, that was a lie. I do." He laughed. Then Spike knocked Dawn into the wall next to her. Causing her to hit her head, knocking her unconscious. "Bloody Summer's women, always making things harder." Spike spoke walking over to the limp body before him.

Dawn woke from what she thought was a dream. She pealed her reluctant eyes open and suddenly felt like she had been hit in the head with a piano. She sat up slowly. She realized she was inside a car. Not her car. Someone else's. Then she turned to look at the driver. Spike. He was smirking as he drove the car with one hand. Now she remembered. It wasn't a dream. It was her reality. Spike had found her. Caught her. The past was catching up to her. And there was no escaping. He was here. And he had her inside his car. It smelled of cigarette smoke and leather. She remembered that smell. Almost missed it. But didn't want to. Always missed the things you don't want to. Just because it was what would cause her pain. Always like that. Hated it. Or at least she wanted to hate it.

"Morning pet?" Spike said with a sly smile graced on his lips. He loved to see her squirm. Loved it. Made him feel alive. Every time she moved it made him feel alive. Every second she breathed next to him. Didn't know why. It couldn't be love. It could be obsession, could be more.

"Shut up!" She hissed sitting up slowly. "Feels like someone shot me in the head." She whinnied leaning back onto the seat. She breathed in slowly. Damn it! She realized the car was moving. He was taking her somewhere. "Where the hell are you taking me?" Dawn asked rage searing through her voice.

"Leave the swearing to the professionals." Spike said with a smirk. He spoke avoiding her question. Because he had no where specific. Just taking her away. Taking her.

Dawn sighed. She knew he wasn't telling her. She saw it in his eyes. He had no place to go, and all the time in the world to get there. And so did she. Spike knew that. Since Dawn was the key, it stopped the aging process. The day she turned eighteen. She had found out on her seventeenth birthday. In a letter from the watchers council. She was going to be eternal, just like him. Eternal stuck with this curse, remembering everything that had happened. Knowing what she saw. Death everywhere. All over.

It had been a while before either one of them spoke. Dawn wanted to jump out of the car and run away. Run until she could find Angel, until she could feel protected. But strangely she felt safe. Safe with him. But irrationally petrified of him. It was all just a blur of emotions. Too much for her too handle too much. She wanted to speak because she wanted to yell at him. But she was afraid. Dawn hated him. He had killed everything she loved. Taken them away from her. And now he was taking her somewhere. Acting like he owned her. Like she was his. Belonged to him.

"Your quiet luv." Spike spoke calmly. "Too quiet. Planning an escape?" He said with a crooked smile.

"Wouldn't matter." She sighed.

"Whys that?" Spike asked curious. "Finally realizing that you can never escape me?" He looked over at her calm posture.

"You could say so." She said with a frown. Always frowning. A smile was foreign to her now.

"Where almost to the hotel." Spike spoke in a whisper. He could smell the sun rising. If he didn't get there soon he would be dust. Neither one of them wanted that. Spike for the obvious reasons, Dawn because then there would be no one driving the car.

They waited in silence before Spike stepped on the breaks bringing the car to a screeching halt. Sending Dawn flying into the dashboard. The car was parked sideways as Spike jumped out of the car. Dawn just sat there. Didn't want to move. Just wanted to breathe.

"Come on pet." Spike beckoned as he flung open the car door. "Unless you want me to be dust." He said with an air of curiosity. He waited. She just sat there looking up at him. "Oh come on just get outta the bloody car." Spike said grabbing her arm and pulling her with him. Dawn struggling to get out of his grasp the entire time. He was pushing her beyond her breaking point. And this wasn't helping. Spike stopped before he opened the hotel's front doors. "Listen pet, don't fight." He demanded. "If you do it will only hurt more later." He said with a sinister look on his angered face.

Dawn gave a slight whimper and a sarcastic nod. She couldn't fight him. Not enough strength. There was no way an eighteen year old girl was going to fight a two hundred year old vampire. So it wasn't as much giving up as it was logic. Thinking smart. If she played it as cool as possible then she could find a way free. She needed to find a way free. She couldn't let her past catch up, she had to keep running, or else the pain would be too much. So she let him drag her limp body into the hotel and she walked with him as if she were really with him. They walked to the front desk and Dawn tried to remain calm.

"Hello may I help you?" A pretty young girl with blond hair and a bright smile welcomed them gladly.

"Yeah, it's William. I reserved a room here earlier." Spike spoke leaning over the table with a flirtatious grin on his face.

"Oh, the English guy." The girl smiled flirting her self. "I love men with accents." She smiled graciously.

"Well thanks." He had a coy smirk on his perfect face.

"Here's your key." The girl said handing him the hotel room key. "Room Number 123. Call me if you need, _anything_." The girl smiled leaning over the table. "I'm Lindsey."

"Thanks so much." Spike smiled grabbing the key from the girls hand as he brushed the outside of her hand purposefully.

Spike grabbed a hold of Dawn and walked into the other room. They paced down the hallway and towards the elevators. Spike smirked maliciously as they walked slowly. Spike pressed the button and they waited.

"Make me barf why don't you." Dawn hissed, annoyed and maybe a little jealous.

"Jealous pet?" Spike asked smiling wide now.

"No!" She growled. The elevator doors opened and Dawn walked inside followed by Spike.

It was quiet. Calm. She just wanted to sleep. And maybe try and find his week spot. A way to tear him down. Even though part of her knew it wasn't possible. Because he was always the strong one and she was week. No way that was ever going to change. She couldn't fight him. But she had to try. There was no escaping something you never wanted to escape. Always wanted to hold onto. Always. Because this was the only way she could feel alive. She breathed in as the elevator went up to there room. She didn't want to look at him. Didn't want to breathe in the same air.

The elevator arrived with a loud "ding" and Dawn rushed out of the cramped space without hesitation. Trying to crawl away from him, always crawling away. Didn't have the strength in her scrawny little legs to run. Dawn walked ahead of him and down the hallway towards there room. She saw the door. Room 123. And she waited. Waited for him to catch up. But he was already there unlocking the door with his pale hands. Dawn just waited. Just tried to breathe. Breathing was a burden. Just a burden.

"Come on pet." Spike ordered motioning for her to enter the hotel room.

Dawn did as he said and didn't look at him. Couldn't look at him because it would hurt too much. He was once her best friend. Her only real friend. And now things had changed. Something had changed ans she didn't know what it was that had done this to him. Because he was always so different. Someone must have gotten to him. Twisted his thoughts. Because he was once caring. Loving. Sometimes even generous. She loved him then. And he was her best friend. They spent an entire summer together. Learning from each other and growing love. They had lost Buffy that summer. And they spent and entire two months just together. They stayed that way for a long time. Until he snapped. Until he changed. And she missed him. Missed what they had. Missed it all.

Dawn heard the door shut behind her. It made her jump. She knew it was coming but everything made her jump now a days. Everything frightened her. She breathed in as calmly as possible. Dawn looked around the hotel room, observing her surroundings. It was a nice room. Not cheep. Not highly expensive. But nice. There was a couch in the corner and one bed. One bed? She realized the intentions he had now. But decided to ignore them.

Spike yawned as he walked into the room. He plopped himself onto the only bed in the room and relaxed himself. He breathed in one unnecessary breath.

"What a gentlemen." Dawn rolled her eyes. "Don't offer me the bed or anything." Dawn walked further into the room.

"Wanna sleep in the bed?" Spike asked with a sly smile.

"Not with you." Dawn sighed.

"Well then looks like your gonna be on couch city." Spike laughed at his own ridiculous joke.

"I don't think so." Dawn walked over to the bed. "Not unless you give me the blanket." She said trying to tug on the blanket that was wrapped around Spike's firm body.

"Don't think so babe." Spike smirked. "You want the blanket you gotta sleep in the bed." He answered.

"Ugh." Dawn sighed exasperated. "Why do you have to be so immature?" Dawn said crawling over Spike and onto the inside of the bed. He ignored her comments as always. Couldn't effect him. Never could.

Dawn laid on her side facing the wall. Her back turned to _him._ Couldn't look at him. Didn't want to. Wanted to. Needed to. Couldn't tell the difference anymore. She tried to sleep. Tried to relax as she could smell the sun rising in the sky. Curtains all closed. Had to sleep through the day. Because that was the only time he could sleep. Had to be on his schedule had to be on his rules. He always made the rules. Dawn wished she could make the rules, just once. Just once. She tried to sleep. But it wasn't coming easily. She knew that soon enough she would have to sleep. Because if Spike wanted to keep going she would have to. She could try and leave now. She could try. But she knew he would wake up and catch her. She waited until she was sure he was sleeping. And she tried.

Dawn sat up. She slowly crossed one leg over Spike's bare body. She didn't remember seeing him undress. But she could see he was shirtless, Lord only knew what else he wasn't wearing. She was now straddling him, but not touching him. She couldn't crawl down the bottom of the bed because she would cause too much movement. So she had to go over him. Didn't want to wake him. But she figured she would. And she was right.

"Where do you think you're going?" Spike asked gripping her arms tightly. She knew there would be marks there later.

"Bathroom." Dawn said with a calm sigh. Knew there was no escaping him now.

"Okay." Spike smirked. "I'll be watching." He warned.

When she got back from the bathroom, sure enough he was staring. Watching. Waiting for her return. And the door was right behind her. He knew she wanted to run. They both knew she couldn't. So she climbed over him and into bed.

Dawn tried to sleep. And soon enough she did.

_Dawn was running. Just running. Trying to get away and she couldn't. They were everywhere. The bodies. Her dead friends. Everywhere and she couldn't help them. Couldn't escape them. She came to a clearing. In her house. A place that was free from the bodies. And Willow was standing there. Smiling blissfully at her._

"_Hello Dawn." The red head spoke calmly._

"_Willow why are you here. Your not supposed to be here." Dawn spoke without really knowing what she was saying._

"_Because you killed me Dawnie." Willow said the smile fading away. "It was your fault." He voice was rising to a yell. "You killed me!" Her face that was once clean was now dripping with crimson red blood._

Dawn woke to a cold arm around her body. Wrapped tightly. Holding onto her curves. She would normally pull away. But she didn't want to. The nightmare had shaken her. Left her scared. So she nestled into his embrace and let her self drift back to sleep. More peaceful than before.

Spike woke to find Dawns breathing heavy. He moved a little. He knew she was awake. Knew she could feel his arm around her. But she didn't pull away. She was actually closer. He could feel the warmth of her skin. And it soothed him. She was accepting being in his arms. Just for now. But she was. He was winning.

Dawn rolled over to look at him. He slowly went to get up."Spike." She whispered her voice laced with exhaustion. There was a tiredness in her eyes no amount of sleep could cure. And she just wanted to sleep. "Just stay please." She looked into his eyes. Her eyes wide with hope. Some sort of vague hope. Spike stared for a short amount of time. And then just as soon as he thought about staying he was gone. He had gotten up and walked away. Again she was left empty. And unsatisfied. And he was afraid. Of letting her in again. Of completely letting her in again. Like before. When they were both safe. And wanted.

The light day was fading away. It was still light out but it was obvious that it soon would be dark again. Time for them to leave. But for now they would have to stay here. For now this was where they were tied. In this hotel room. Together.

Dawn sat up and rubbed her eyes. She sat on the edge of the bed nervous. Tired. Hurt. Earlier she had asked for Spike to stay with her and he denied her. Always making her hurt when he could just make her feel safe. She watched as he walked out from the bathroom steam coming from the open door. He had a white towel wrapped around his toned waste. He stood there staring at her like usual. Just staring not speaking. Unless it was to cut. But she could only take so many shallow cuts. Eventually the blood well would run dry. She could only take so much. Spike walked over to her slowly.

"Morning pet." He said smoothly. Dawn didn't reply. Couldn't. She just stared. It hurt so much. He had refused her when she needed him most. And the walls that she was letting down, she was now working to build back up. Because she couldn't break his walls down. They wouldn't falter. "What not gonna say good morning?" Spike asked placidly.

"When are we leaving?" Dawn asked looking at the floor. Her eyes fluttering. Trying not to cry. Couldn't show weakness.

"A while." Spike answered indignant. Dawn just ignore him. Because she had to. This was how she built back he walls. "What you gonna just ignore me now?" Spike asked almost hurt.

"Everyday it's something new. Huh Spike?" Dawn spoke still looking at the floor.

"What the bloody hell are you talking about?" Spike asked confused.

"Everyday you find some new way to hurt me." She answered.

"You bring it all on yourself luv." Spike hissed.

"Ya know, most days I'd agree with you." Dawn nodded. "But not earlier. I didn't bring that on myself." Dawn said looking up at him. Couldn't break that wall down. Too thick. Too strong. No breaking down walls that wouldn't be faltered. No use even trying.

"I don't know what the bloody hell your talking about." Spike hissed and turned to walk back into the bathroom.

All the pain was beginning to feel like pleasure. Because it had to be provoked. He had to blame her for everything. Or else there was no way he could live with himself. And it was partly her fault. Her fault for always believing that maybe she could break through. Maybe she could see the real Spike again. The real him. The one she remembered and loved. There was no breaking down those walls and she just kept hoping. Just kept pushing herself further and harder. Past her breaking point. But she hadn't broken, not yet. All this mental torture was wearing her down. She would rather him haul off and punch her in the face. It would hurt far less. She was paying hell for glory. Because he was making an amusement out of her pain. Just kept letting him dig himself deeper into her veins. Letting him salt the wounds. Letting him take her insides and twist them into knots. Incurable knots.

She waited. Waited for him to come out again and drag her downstairs. And into his car. She just wanted to breathe. Wanted to live. Wounds that had been open for way too long. And it was all his fault. Just wanted him back. Wanted them all back. Her life had been dragged down hill and there was no climbing her way back up to the top.

Sure enough he came out. Dressed. Fully dressed. Spike looked down at her. He saw something different in her eyes. They were faded. How could that happen. When he left her she was different. Angry. But full of passion. Now her eyes were faded into dull glossed over nothingness. Had he done that? Didn't mean to. Never meant to. Always killing things he wanted to keep alive. Just like Drue and her stupid birds. Always killing them. Forgetting to feed them. Had he forgotten to feed her?

"Dawn let's get moving." Spike looked at her hoping for a reply. But he didn't get one. She didn't answer him. Just looked at him. Dull eyes. Faded.

Spike grabbed her forcefully. He pulled her out of the hotel room and down the hallway. Before she knew it they were in the car and it was dark outside. Time was passing before her very eyes and she didn't even see it. Couldn't make it slow down. Always too fast.

"Your not gonna ask me where I'm taking you?" Spike asked calmly. And he waited.

No reply.

"Dawn?" Spike asked annoyed.

Still no reply.

"Dawn answer me damn it!" Spike hissed passed his point of accepting her solemn silence. He was pissed now.

But still no reply.

"Damn it!" Spike shouted. "You are heading for one incredibly brassed of vampire." He warned.

Nothing.

"Dawn you are driving me bloody insane." Spike growled.

"Welcome to the club." Dawn said meekly.

Spike just stared at her as he drove the car. She spoke. Something. She spoke. He thought he would never hear that voice again. The sweet melody of her voice slid over him and through the car. He had missed that sound. Wondered why. But he had missed it.

"She speaks." Spike spoke with a smile.

"I use to speak a lot more." Dawn admitted.

"Yeah, I know. Couldn't ever get you to shut up." Spike smiled trying to make her laugh. But he got nothing. "Why the sudden change?" He asked.

"You stopped listening." She spoke looking out the window. It was as if she were talking to herself. Because she didn't expect an answer. She was rebuilding the walls.

Spike breathed an unnecessary breath. Dawn was breaking. Maybe she was just bending. Trying to become numb so she didn't have to feel the pain. No. She still felt it. Because she was breaking. He was breaking his favorite toy and he didn't even realize it.

"I never stopped listening." Spike offered looking down the windshield.

"No, you just stopped caring." Dawn sighed. She didn't want to cry. But she could feel it rising in her chest. Could feel the tears climbing there way to the surface. Could feel the pain rising.

There was silence. The painful gut wrenching silence. The kinda that was damn near immobilizing. She was trying to breathe. While he was trying not to. She was trying not to feel the distance and he was trying not to care. But he cared. And she could feel the distance. Whether either one of them wanted to. They could feel. The silence lasted longer then they wanted. Not long enough. Felt like hours. Was only minutes.

"Talk to me." Spike spoke almost demanding.

"Why?" She hissed.

"Cause I can't stay awake." Spike answered. "You kept me up all night with your little whimpers." He smirked.

"I could care less if we crashed." She admitted. And it wasn't a lie. She didn't. At this point she didn't care if she died. It would feel better then this. Torture.

"Damn it, Dawn just keep me up." Spike demanded.

"Fine." She caved only because she didn't want to argue. "What do you want me to say?" She asked placidly.

"I don't know, anything." Spike shrugged his shoulders. "Tell me your best and worst moments." Spike smirked. "For kicks." He laughed.

"Best, would be when me and Buffy would stay up late. Sometimes she would come into my room late at night and we would just talk all night long." Dawn had faint smile on her face. But it faded quickly. "It's tied with nights you would come in through my window and sing me to sleep." Dawn admitted reluctantly.

"Worst?" Spike asked tightening his jaw. He heard her. Knew what she said. Remembered going into her room. Remembered singing her to sleep the same lullaby his mom would sing to him. And he would hold her. And they would be at peace. He remembered and he missed it.

"It's also a tie." Dawn admitted. "Earlier when left you me alone. When I opened up to you and you pushed me away." Dawn sighed. "And my sixteenth birthday." They both knew what she was talking about. She remembered walking into that scene from hell. And he remembered creating it.

"So your saying all your pain is created by me." He growled low in his throat.

"Mostly." Dawn sighed.

"Dawn-" Spike went to speak but she interrupted him.

"Spike you can stay awake. I just don't wanna talk anymore." She said dryly as she leaned her head against the seat.

She didn't want to talk. Because she had already said too much. Told him everything. How much she cared and she didn't want to. She just wanted to breathe. To break. Because she was falling apart and it was all his fault. She didn't know where they were going. She wasn't so sure he knew. But he did. He was taking her home. It wasn't far now. _Home._ It had had many faces over the years. Her apartment in LA, Spike's crypt, and her house on Revello Drive. But he was taking her to her house. Her real home. Why? He wouldn't tell her. But he was taking her there. Not just for pain. But it was the only place he remembered having her to himself completely.

"Were almost there Dawn." Spike spoke breaking the silence. But she didn't answer. She was sleeping. Spike leaned closer to her. He looked at her sleeping figure. Spike pulled the car over. He leaned as close as possible. Breathing on her neck. She was sleeping for sure. "Baby." Spike whispered. "I'm so sorry." He apologized. "I can't seem to figure out what exactly is wrong with me." Spike frowned at his admittance. "But I love you." He smiled. "I really love you." Spike leaned into place a kiss on her cold lips. To his surprise Dawn returned the kiss.

The kiss almost seemed like it would never end. Neither one of them wanting to come up for air. One of them having to. After a few minutes had passed, they looked at each other dazed. Like something had happened that would change things. But they were sure it would. He had found a million ways to let her down, a million ways to hurt her. And now something was making him soft. She looked into his eyes and saw him. Saw Spike. The one she remembered. From before. From that Summer they spent together. The summer after Buffy died.

So maybe. Maybe the walls would be broken down. And maybe things wouldn't be so dark. Maybe they would be. But at least there was hope. Because it was days like these that made them hope, made them think maybe he could be himself again. Or maybe they would stay in this twisted way of living forever. But they would be together. Because there was no else left. No one. Just the demon and the key. Because they were all gone. They had left them. And it was just Spike and Dawn. Sitting in the car on Revello Drive. Sitting together. Maybe they could stop the pain. Maybe they didn't have to make it bleed. Then again, if you can't leave it be, might as well make it bleed.


End file.
